I suppose I have yet to learn that best friendships are not always forever. In other words, it was a complete shock that the woman I have considered one of my best friends, a sister, for several years has defrocked me from my maid-of-honor position at her wedding. I am no longer even in the wedding party. However, I am still invited, she says, and claims she wants me there.
Her claimed reasoning is that we have grown apart. She says she can feel tension when we’re spending time together, and in retrospect, I’ve felt a few twinges of awkwardness, but always dismissed it as my own head being insecure and anxious. But until the beginning of this week, I have still considered her one of my closest friends. I had purchased my bridesmaid dress with money I didn’t have, and was prepared to join in to make her bridal shower and wedding as wonderful as possible.
I will take up her offer to pay for the dress, but I am still working through a time of mourning. I have lost what I thought I had. Immediately after ending our phone call, which I ended before I said something regrettable, I called my sponsor. She advised that I write out resentment inventory about my friend and her newer friend (who will likely be my replacement), say the resentment prayer, and then tell Ray. My Higher Power guided me to do just that. As I wrote the inventory, I was physically hot with anger, but after I finished with the prayer, I mellowed, and fell into a peaceful, albeit semi-melancholy, mood. I called Ray upstairs and reviewed the event with him, and he comforted me.
Though peace has come, I still mourn, and that is okay. Thankfully, I had a therapy session the next day already planned, and my therapist help to further iron my thoughts out. Nevertheless, I began to question all my relationships. Who would dishonor me next? How many would drop me? I called another friend, who I wanted to be sure was still one of my closest friends, and he reassured me, adding a suggestion that I take care of myself by staying linked with my Higher Power, first.
Today, I am comforted by and grateful for the relationships I have been given. I cherish them more. I’ve now seen more of this lesson of gratitude. Friends can slip away like sunlight slipping behind the clouds, then the storm comes, but new friends emerge with fresh light. So be present with the ones you presently have, and be grateful even if you have been given one friend. I remember that we must lose, suffer, so that we may gain more from life.